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Thorsten Heitzmann

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Thorsten Heitzmann

About Thorsten Heitzmann

Believe me, an evening with one or two pints of cider will tell you a lot more about me than any webpage could, but as long as IPP (Internet Pub Protocol) is not yet established, it is ok to read on.


  • 1968 - became German citizen
  • 1996 - became physician
  • 2002 - became father of a son
  • 2006 - became Swiss citizen
  • 2006 - became father of a daughter
  • since then - living happily ever after
  • Currently I am working as houseman and father, which might be seen as some kind of a drawback after working as a physician in various areas (hospital, reinsurance industry, pharmaceutical industry). It is not, of course!
    I am trying to shape my son and daughter from lovely children into equally lovable adults, as well as keeping things organised and running for my wife who is an ophthalmologist in her own surgery. No days of leisure, therefore.
    Still, if you need me I'll be there!


One man's strength is another man's weakness, so please keep in mind that this is completely subjective.

  • Unlike Mycroft Holmes's brain, mine is neither amongst the most tidiest nor amongst the most orderly of its kind. However, it is loaded with incredible amounts of useful as well as useless information (never play Trivial Pursuit against me!) and does a good job in providing me with all the information I need at any time.
  • I am a lot faster than most other people in understanding a given situation and I am equally fast in providing an excellent solution for the problem.

    Yes, this does sound preposterous.
    Can't help it though. John Lennon said "They hate you if you're clever and they despise a fool." Don't know about the fools, but talk about being clever anywhere to start people getting annoyed quickly.
    If you run faster - everyone cheers.
    If you think faster - you're arrogant. Oh well.
    More or less by chance then I took an IQ test (with Mensa Switzerland). There I learned that indeed I have a very high IQ (as suspected). Nothing to be done about this, except "Gring ache u seckle" (Link is German only).
    I recommend joining the Triple Nine Society, if possible…

  • Explaining things.
    I am very much in support of Albert Einstein's view that "You do not really understand something unless you can explain it to your grandmother.".
    Experts tend to explain their stuff in a way to keep out the uninitiated, thus keeping their expert status. I try to go the other way round and making as much information understandable as possible to help people help themselves.


Omniscience is difficult to reach nowadays. Keeping track of David Beckham's latest haircut alone is enough to keep one's brain hurting. So, admittedly, I am not omniscient.
Still, as I have a rather nice obsession, it turns out that I am quite close to being omniscient: It is impossible for me to buy anything worth more than, say, € 50.00, without doing extensive research on the issue (lesser people do attribute this to a certain Swabian stinginess).

Be that as it may, in the result I do profit a lot from this obsession. I know everything there is to know (within reasonable limits) on medicine, insurances, pharmaceutical companies, financial markets, Germany, history, photography, handmade shoes, computers, Switzerland, poisons, poisonous plants and animals, building a house, Scotland, manners, Russia, running a small restaurant, the World, motorbikes, the Crusades, serving at a table, wine, English monarchs, cars (RR&B), watches, clocks, books, handguns,…


In descending fluency

  • German
  • English
  • French
  • Portuguese
  • Russian
  • Spanish
    (gets mixed up with Portuguese all the time)
  • Arabic
    (just kidding, this is still a project)


This might depend on whom you ask.
Asking me, I'd say that maybe I am too modest.

Last changes: 16.08.2015

© 2015 by Thorsten Heitzmann